Inbox

[rosarianoath]

 ok

Comments

[rosarianoath]

"She hasn't bought me clothes for three months," he says. "Perhaps that was the last time, and there'll be no need for confrontation at all."

[noburden]

Jill's lips press together as she clearly wishes to argue. What was even the name of that woman, anyway? She can't even recall. Maybe it's unimportant. As unimportant as that shirt.

Ridiculous.

"I wish I wasn't like this," she says abruptly. "Jealous."

It's shameful.

[rosarianoath]

He looks away for a moment, and then back to her mouth, the taut pinch of her lips.

"Come here, Jill."

He sets the book and the beer both aside.

[noburden]

She feels like a child about to get her knuckles rapped. Still, she approaches him, stopping before his knees and sighing, trying to ease the tension from her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Clive."

[rosarianoath]

“Don’t be,” he says, leaning forward just enough to find her hands with his. He pulls her in, turning her to sit on his knee. “Talk with me a moment.”

[noburden]

She sits, and she feels more embarrassed for her reaction over the shirt with each passing moment.

"If shame doesn't claim me..."

That's not helpful. She sighs again, looking to him.

"I must share you with whatever home we live in, and those that inhabit it. I know."

[rosarianoath]

“You must share me,” he agrees soberly, winding his fingers around hers. “What is it you fear about this? It’s just a shirt, one I evidently pay little attention to.”

[noburden]

It's easier to look at their fingers than his face. Hers are so small compared to his.

"It's silly," she says, as she so often does. "There's... so little that is just ours. Just mine. I--suppose I took pride in being the one to buy you shirts."

The more she talks, the more she'd like to sink into the abyss.

[rosarianoath]

“I do not think my caseworker dropping off clothes and seeing me dressed for a ball matters in any way I care about,” he says.

[noburden]

"Which makes it all the more ridiculous that it upset me," she says.

[rosarianoath]

It’s rare to see her vulnerable like this, and though his heart is pounding at the thought that she might turn on him for it, it feels like something to not flee the conversation at all.

“What do you think she means by it?”

[noburden]

"I don't know. Probably nothing," she admits. The logcal answer. Jill keeps her eyes on their joined hands.

"I dislike it when people act too familiar with you, I think. It bothers me."

[rosarianoath]

"I do not get the impression she has any particular sentiments towards me," he says. He looks up at her face. "I understood it when it was Isabelle. But the rest, not so much..."

[noburden]

"I don't know if there's much sense to be found in how I feel," she says, looking back at him.

"I know I need to work on it."

[rosarianoath]

He frowns, his eyes sad.

"There must be some reason," he says.

[noburden]

She hates to be the cause of that look. So, she tries.

"I know some of it. Some of it is because I constantly lose what is important to me. And I worry you'll..."

Well, he can't very much do worse than what she's already experienced at home or here, but something within her seethes at the prospect of another woman being involved in any regard.

"It fills me with shame to think of you like that."

[rosarianoath]

He gently pulls his hand from hers just so he can wrap his arms around her instead, pulling her into his chest.

"I won't," he says, firmly. "There have been times through my life where I have been too permissive about how people treat my body, but none will take me from you. Ever."

[noburden]

How glad she is to be able to hide her face against him. She breathes out, willing her face to cool.

"I don't like being possessive. But you are the most important part of my life," she says. "I know you don't like hearing that."

[rosarianoath]

Even six months ago, he might have bristled and bolted at the very reminder that she won't go on without him, but with her in his arms and Joshua back with him, he just swallows his breath and holds her tighter.

"I'd sooner hear it than let you stew in it," he tells her. "I want you to be comfortable, Jill."

[noburden]

"It doesn't hold any expectations," she says, shifting a little to rest a hand against his chest. "I'm at peace with you. That's all. You don't need to put pressure on yourself."

All he needs to do is stay.

[rosarianoath]

"You're at peace with me but you fear any woman that tries to do a kindness for me," he says, concerned. "What of Tarja? Or Vivian, or Maeve?"

[noburden]

"Not them," she says quietly. "They know."

It's obvious to anyone familiar with them that they're fond of one another.

[rosarianoath]

He sighs, long and slow.

“I don’t know a single woman who would be anything but pleased for you, Jill.”

[noburden]

"You're a desirable man," she says quietly. "Perhaps I am simply an insecure woman."

[rosarianoath]

“Perhaps you are, but cruelty and hardship has made you so, and undeservedly so at that.” Thinking otherwise is easier said than done. “Think of all the ways you and I have fought to be closer… who else would fight that way for me?”