It’s odd to hear her refer to it as their home, no matter how many times she says it. For a long while he’d felt he’d manipulated her into it, between Torgal and his risk of injury and whatever lingering feelings she had. Now, for the first time, he realizes he believes it.
"It is. I'm always happy to watch the two of you," Jill tells him, but surely he knows. She's sat and watched the two of them wrestle and roll around in the grass more times than she can count, and yet not enough.
"I'm glad he's here with us."
If he wasn't, she's not so sure they would have bothered to try and salvage their friendship.
He's looked up more than once to see her gazing at them through the window, or from the back porch. It's embarrassing every time –– as if she's never seen him acting without dignity and there's some illusion about it he cannot shatter.
"I hope you never think I'm not glad that you're with me, too." Not the implication that they're dead, of course, but she is glad that he's here despite the heartache they've endured. She never wants to live a life without him in it, somehow.
"I'm very happy right now, Clive."
All they're doing is walking, but she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Right now, the grimmest parts of his mind want to repeat, but he doesn't voice those ugly thoughts. She does love him, and it's the greatest tether he has. He looks down at her, expression softening briefly.
"Oh, Jill," he murmurs. "I'm glad you're happy, and glad to have you with me."
She loves him so much she will endure whatever pain comes from doing so. Regardless of their relationship, she's trying to remind herself that before anything became complicated, that's what he was--her friend, when everything else seemed cold and frightening.
"And I promise to not work you to the bone in the garden."
She is his friend, certainly, but something about their relationship makes it feel like it isn't a strong enough word. Are you really just friends with someone you grew up with, someone so special you can recall the first moment your fingers brushed? The first time you saw her cry, the first time you decided any blow was worth taking if it meant shielding her? Clive swallows his breath and nods. He never wanted to stop being friends.
"I appreciate that," he says, but he knows in that instant that he'd do it anyway just for her. "I do not want to be so distant from you ever again."
He is the love of her life, but she can't say it aloud without him looking guilty for it. For feeling like he failed her--and he has, in a way. But she wants to hold onto this precious moment between them for as long as she can.
"Never. I know I still belong by your side, and it's where I wish to be as long as you'll have me there." Not as a lover or wife, a fantasy left behind, but as a friend.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
“Red gazanias, perhaps?”
no subject
She prays they have them here.
"That would be perfect, Clive."
no subject
“What kinds of flowers do you want?”
no subject
She can't say she knows many types of flowers, let alone what grows in this world.
"Just nothing with any extra surprises."
no subject
no subject
"Those I would let you have the honor of handling. Though after what we just collected in the yard, I wonder if my senses have been burned away."
no subject
no subject
Jill might enjoy it less than she enjoyed picking up all his shit.
no subject
no subject
Torgal seemed to bring it out of him.
no subject
no subject
"I'm glad he's here with us."
If he wasn't, she's not so sure they would have bothered to try and salvage their friendship.
no subject
"I am too," he says. "He's a good boy."
no subject
"I hope you never think I'm not glad that you're with me, too." Not the implication that they're dead, of course, but she is glad that he's here despite the heartache they've endured. She never wants to live a life without him in it, somehow.
"I'm very happy right now, Clive."
All they're doing is walking, but she wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
no subject
"Oh, Jill," he murmurs. "I'm glad you're happy, and glad to have you with me."
no subject
She loves him so much she will endure whatever pain comes from doing so. Regardless of their relationship, she's trying to remind herself that before anything became complicated, that's what he was--her friend, when everything else seemed cold and frightening.
"And I promise to not work you to the bone in the garden."
no subject
"I appreciate that," he says, but he knows in that instant that he'd do it anyway just for her. "I do not want to be so distant from you ever again."
no subject
"Never. I know I still belong by your side, and it's where I wish to be as long as you'll have me there." Not as a lover or wife, a fantasy left behind, but as a friend.
no subject
"And that's where you'll stay," he assures her.