[It’s impossible not to let his eyes follow Torgal to her — her delicate face, her frozen expression. His heart seizes, even as it swells, and he follows Torgal those few steps, hand still on the hound’s back.
He wants to gaze upon her forever, his eyes drop. Sadly:]
Ah… I wish there was a way to explain this to you…
[He kneels down again, getting his fingers in Torgal’s scruff to tug the wolf’s attention back to him.]
You’ll keep her safe when I’m not around, won’t you, boy?
[The longer she watches them, the more her heart aches. She's had a thought, a terrible thought, that perhaps he deserves to be alone. But seeing him with Torgal, the joy, and how he talks to him now...
He doesn't deserve that.
Torgal, meanwhile, tilts his head at Clive and his tone before trying to take another few steps towards where Jill stands, still determined to have both his people in one easy to watch spot.]
[Clive lets Torgal go, a deep sigh on his breath, his eyes reluctantly going up to Jill. He misses her terribly, and she’s so close he could sweep her up, if it was fair to.
His smile to her is tight, polite. He wants it to be more but he can’t hurt her that way. There’s a long pause.]
You need his company. He’s always been your hound, in a broad way. I won’t ask to take him from you.
[There's no smile on Jill's face as she regards Clive. Her hands are stuffed into the pockets of her navy blue coat, though one does come out to stroke Torgal's snout when he looks up at her.]
You don't need to ask, Clive. He should stay with you. He would be happy at your side, hunting. Wouldn't you, boy?
[Torgal knows what hunting is, and there's a wag of that tail.]
[Clive slowly straightens up, leaving the respectable distance between them.]
You saw how small my apartment is.
[He doesn’t want to talk about this, negotiating where their precious friend should lay his head at night. Torgal leans into Jill’s touch like he can’t get enough of it.]
[Ah. So he went back there. She frowns, scratching Torgal and never tiring of it. She's missed him, too. He deserves better than the confines of their apartments.]
I was out in the woods. He nearly made me jump out of my skin, running to me at a full sprint. I don't know if he's just arrived or if he's been out there for a while, but...
[He's here now. Jill sighs, looking to Clive. Resisting the urge to step closer and bury her face against his shoulder, but she can't be that person again.]
[How painful, to have her sigh like that, looking at him. His polite smile dwindles, wanting nothing more than to feel the fierce joy in his heart at reuniting with Torgal, needing to moderate himself down to not upset her.]
Neither of us can truly be without him. It wouldn't be right. But, as to not intrude upon you... perhaps we trade off, every few days. Or every week or two, if that's too often for you.
[They certainly can't send him between them on his own, not in a place where he could be mistaken for a monster.]
It's odd to think this is the most they've spoken in almost a week. Clive nods again.
"I can make do, unless you want to take him first."
Torgal's mere presence makes the distance between them feel perilously wrong, considering how often the wolf has curled up at the foot of their bed while they made love.
"You'll have him first. I don't mind," Jill says. She hasn't been alone until she's wanted to be. Jill doubts Clive has such caring confidants available to him, and so it might be the kinder thing, to let him care for Torgal first.
It's so difficult to be anything but kind to him, even after how he's hurt her.
Relief floods him –– relief he didn't know he needed, and a fear he didn't realize he was bracing himself for. It has him drawing a sharp breath.
It's been so fucking lonely.
"If you're alright with it," he says, anyway, already imagining laying on the floor for hours with Torgal. Going for a run. Hunting. Anything, just to have company. "Thank you, Jill. I really appreciate it."
"Of course," he agrees. It is a very small apartment for a hound used to romping through the countryside. But as much as he wants to linger in the conversation, he knows she wants little to do with him, so that means clarifying: "I can take him elsewhere, if you want to enjoy this park alone."
Clive nods, keeping his distance and looking away while Jill says her goodbyes. Shame builds, but he’s growing used to it.
“Next week, then,” he says. He puts a hand out to her on reflex alone, and withdraws it before she can give him even as much as a look. “Be well, Jill.”
If Jill saw anything, she pretends she didn't, and stands straight after patting Torgal on the head.
"Next week," she says, and gives him a nod before turning around. She makes it all but four steps before Torgal is getting in front of her legs, trying to herd her back towards Clive.
Poor dog. But he's robbing her of her relief from escaping those blue eyes of Clive's.
Two hundred pounds of dire wolf doesn’t move easy, and Clive walks a narrow line between being grateful for Torgal’s loyalty and apprehensive of that loyalty making it harder on both of them.
“Jill’s going to be back before you know it,” Clive tells Torgal, kneeling down once more and putting his hands out for the beast. He has to be calm, untroubled. Firm: “But for now, with me, my friend.”
Torgal looks between Clive and Jill with what can only be described as confusion, and then sits once his eyes are on Clive's. Some level of understanding is there, because he's gone with Clive on long excursions and he's also stayed or gone with Jill, too. Perhaps this is one of those times.
Jill wishes it were. Wishes it more than anything, that at the end of the week, Clive will be in her arms and Torgal will plop down at her feet.
"All right," Jill breathes out. "I really do need to go. Let me know if he needs anything."
This time, she's able to step around him without being blocked.
“Of course,” he says, wanting to have something to need for Torgal, wanting an excuse. “I’ll see you then.”
Something to look forward to, even if it hurts.
As Jill goes, Torgal gets up off his haunches and wanders towards Clive, though he still looks back at Jill’s retreating back. Clive sinks his fingers into the thick mane of the wolf’s neck, sighing, allowing himself to look at her, too.
[Clive slowly straightens up, leaving the respectable distance between them.]
You saw how small my apartment is.
[He doesn’t want to talk about this, negotiating where their precious friend should lay his head at night. Torgal leans into Jill’s touch like he can’t get enough of it.]
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He wants to gaze upon her forever, his eyes drop. Sadly:]
Ah… I wish there was a way to explain this to you…
[He kneels down again, getting his fingers in Torgal’s scruff to tug the wolf’s attention back to him.]
You’ll keep her safe when I’m not around, won’t you, boy?
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He doesn't deserve that.
Torgal, meanwhile, tilts his head at Clive and his tone before trying to take another few steps towards where Jill stands, still determined to have both his people in one easy to watch spot.]
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His smile to her is tight, polite. He wants it to be more but he can’t hurt her that way. There’s a long pause.]
You need his company. He’s always been your hound, in a broad way. I won’t ask to take him from you.
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You don't need to ask, Clive. He should stay with you. He would be happy at your side, hunting. Wouldn't you, boy?
[Torgal knows what hunting is, and there's a wag of that tail.]
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You saw how small my apartment is.
[He doesn’t want to talk about this, negotiating where their precious friend should lay his head at night. Torgal leans into Jill’s touch like he can’t get enough of it.]
Where did he come from, anyway?
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I was out in the woods. He nearly made me jump out of my skin, running to me at a full sprint. I don't know if he's just arrived or if he's been out there for a while, but...
[He's here now. Jill sighs, looking to Clive. Resisting the urge to step closer and bury her face against his shoulder, but she can't be that person again.]
We need to figure something out.
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Neither of us can truly be without him. It wouldn't be right. But, as to not intrude upon you... perhaps we trade off, every few days. Or every week or two, if that's too often for you.
[They certainly can't send him between them on his own, not in a place where he could be mistaken for a monster.]
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"We can meet here, in the morning, and trade off." A hello, a goodbye, and that's it.
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"Every week," he agrees. "And if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like to spend some time with him today, before we, ah... trade. Again."
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Torgal sits between them, happy.
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"I can make do, unless you want to take him first."
Torgal's mere presence makes the distance between them feel perilously wrong, considering how often the wolf has curled up at the foot of their bed while they made love.
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It's so difficult to be anything but kind to him, even after how he's hurt her.
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It's been so fucking lonely.
"If you're alright with it," he says, anyway, already imagining laying on the floor for hours with Torgal. Going for a run. Hunting. Anything, just to have company. "Thank you, Jill. I really appreciate it."
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She may not like him in this moment, but she's far from hating him.
"You'll want to tire him out before bringing him in."
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"Stay. I was going to go," she explains, but it's all for what he thinks: she wants little to do with him.
She'll only be counting down the days to see Torgal, she tells herself. She crouches before the sitting wolf, scratching under his chin.
"Be good, boy. I'll see you soon."
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“Next week, then,” he says. He puts a hand out to her on reflex alone, and withdraws it before she can give him even as much as a look. “Be well, Jill.”
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"Next week," she says, and gives him a nod before turning around. She makes it all but four steps before Torgal is getting in front of her legs, trying to herd her back towards Clive.
Poor dog. But he's robbing her of her relief from escaping those blue eyes of Clive's.
"To Clive, Torgal. Go."
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“Torgal,” he says. “Come on, boy, we’ll go for a nice run.”
The wolf just winds around her, blocking her path entirely with the side of his massive body, peering at Clive from around her hip. He barks.
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Jill puts a hand on the wolf's back, trying to step around him, but Torgal just takes up her space again, and barks again at Clive, impatient.
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“Jill’s going to be back before you know it,” Clive tells Torgal, kneeling down once more and putting his hands out for the beast. He has to be calm, untroubled. Firm: “But for now, with me, my friend.”
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Jill wishes it were. Wishes it more than anything, that at the end of the week, Clive will be in her arms and Torgal will plop down at her feet.
"All right," Jill breathes out. "I really do need to go. Let me know if he needs anything."
This time, she's able to step around him without being blocked.
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Something to look forward to, even if it hurts.
As Jill goes, Torgal gets up off his haunches and wanders towards Clive, though he still looks back at Jill’s retreating back. Clive sinks his fingers into the thick mane of the wolf’s neck, sighing, allowing himself to look at her, too.
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He misses you. He’s been pacing for hours.
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You saw how small my apartment is.
[He doesn’t want to talk about this, negotiating where their precious friend should lay his head at night. Torgal leans into Jill’s touch like he can’t get enough of it.]
Where did he come from, anyway?